In honor of Father’s Day, Sara posted a series of pictures over the
years of me with my girls; sometimes tender, sometimes humorous, they were all
sweet and left me thinking about the stories we’ve accumulated over the years.
In honor of that, I offer five completely entertaining parenting moments.
How do I teach this move?
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| Surviving the inches-deep water and fighting the urge to pee! |
Our first canoe trip caused some panic in both girls, still pretty
young. They worried for a while about the risk of tipping and the potential to
drown, and brief panic set in every time the canoe wobbled, which was pretty
often. My attempts to alleviate their anxieties took a while to work, despite
pointing out that the unsteadiness was because we were bottoming out and they
were unlikely to drown in slow-moving water only up to their ankles.
Eventually, they relaxed, but anxiety crept up again when they had to go to the
bathroom and discovered there were no port-a-potties stationed periodically
along the river.
Eventually, I headed off with one who was desperate enough to relieve
herself. Finding a secluded spot, she was about to just stand and pee, and
needed instructions on how to appropriately relieve herself. Suddenly, I realized
I should have switched with Sara, as I am not knowledgeable enough to teach
this technique! Alas, too late, and now I had to quickly figure out a
reasonable technique and explain it. She was mostly successful, and comfortable
enough to go again later. In fact, she declared her abilities as we were
landing the canoes at the end of the day – and everyone else pulling their
canoes out of the water were quite clear on her newfound skill!
Under-where?
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| Aah, the bliss (and sand) before we all realized some critical clothing had been misplaced! |
We took a road trip to the beach one year for a daughter’s birthday. We
opened presents and enjoyed the time at the beach all day, and everyone had a
blast. Late in the day, the goal was to change and go into town for dinner
before heading home. In the bath house, we all changed out of sandy bathing
suits in favor of dry, clean clothes. Only, we discovered that one daughter’s
underwear had somehow gotten lost! No amount of searching uncovered the missing
underwear, and we pondered our next move. So began my daughter’s first “commando”
day. Upon arriving at the restaurant, we first ducked into a Gap store across
the street, where my daughter went from commando to wearing the most expensive
underwear she’d ever owned. Problem solved, and on to the birthday cake!
Does gravity still work?
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| Enjoying the beginning of a birthday celebration, a moment before the crash. |
“Camping for your birthday? Sure honey, sounds fun!” So began my older
daughter’s birthday plan when she was seven. We stayed at a campground not too
far away, with a nice site and nearby bathrooms and showers. We
formally celebrated her birthday at the picnic table, with presents and
dessert. Well, we tried. Unfortunately, right after the beautiful, wide smile,
her birthday took a turn for the worse when she fell off the picnic table.
Oops! While I am not sure what her birthday wish was, a reasonable guess would
be to spend the rest of the day ouchy-free!
A timeout? Or chance to recover?
It’s unfortunate when your daughter acts up and needs to get a timeout.
It’s even more unfortunate when she won’t go on her own volition and needs be
carried. It’s terribly unfortunate when you’re carrying her to the timeout
chair and accidentally bang her head on the doorway. OOPS!
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| Distraught and in a tutu. Oh, the humanity! |
Revisionist history
On a glorious summer day, my mother and I drove my girls down to
Newport, RI, for a tour of one of the mansions. We elected to take a
self-guided tour, in which we wore headphones and started our recordings at the
same moments so we’d hear everything in synch with each other. We were enjoying
ourselves and laughing periodically. However, as we worked our way further and further
into the bowels of the mansion, my smallest daughter became increasingly
uncomfortable and we couldn’t figure out why. Later, we realized that the
atrium-like set-up of the servants’ areas left her feeling as if the mansion
would come crashing down on her. At the moment, I tried to reassure.
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| One daughter hugging the other, presumably because of finishing the tour! |
My efforts proved to be in vain, as my mother subtly hid behind a wall
in the next room, and sprung out at my youngest. She freaked her so badly that
my poor, innocent child was left trembling. I both laughed and cursed my mother
over my daughter’s head, as she hugged me in a death grip. She recovered
quickly enough, and Nana and I continued giggling.
My payback was to continually misconstrue the story and how genetics
work. Now, my daughter is convinced that Nana repeatedly traumatized to her and
anyone related to her must be into scaring people because of Nana’s genes. The
stories no longer bear any resemblance to the reality, but hey, why let the
facts get in the way of a good story?
Cheaters Never Prosper
It’s important to be active, to experiment with different sports, and
to pursue the one you’re passionate about; even if that is
feet-never-lift-off-the-floor hallway races. However, even if you’re good and
if you have a competitive streak, you should never cheat. If you do, you never
know how the joy of defeat can turn into being hauled away by a crazy man for some
dastardly torture.All of these moments were unexpected and minor. But the little moments, whether in the midst of a bigger adventure or on an inconsequential evening, often make for the most beautiful memories. So, happy Father’s Day to the dads out there, navigating big and little events, and hopefully enjoying the ride!
See you on the trails,
Jay Bell, AKA RockHopper
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